in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
