Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The air was thick with penises
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
