Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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