i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
