Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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