OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
