I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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