I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
They have beer where we have blood.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
