Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
