even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize