No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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