tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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