I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
