They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
