I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
