ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
