if i can run in heels then i can drive
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
