you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize