I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
