her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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