considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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