If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
