I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize