someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
