absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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