I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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