I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm both gender and math confused
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
