puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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