Your face is a jimmy john
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
