He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
