Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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