Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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