one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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