that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
