I just saw a hot homeless man
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sext me about skeletons
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
