i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
this will be a night to untag.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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