R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
