I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
