she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
3pm strippers are depressing
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
