seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
