what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
