why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
