I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
