then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
