You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
