dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
