God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
