Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
