My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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