She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
