I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
