so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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