your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
