Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize