I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
