i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
