Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize