Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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