Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
