So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
