I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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