is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize