i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
