Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
