some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
