Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
