shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
