i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize