okay pat passed out under dana's car
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
