Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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