I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
