Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
