I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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