dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
