I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
