how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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