I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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