Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
so much tequila, so little girl.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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