I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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