if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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