she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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