I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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