can we get nightvision for the apartment?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
4 words: hood of his car
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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