Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
