He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize