Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
