Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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