I just found puke in my bra..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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