everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
