Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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