Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
