he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
