Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
