I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize