I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
