at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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